September 26, 2013

Weekly Round-Up

  1. Just Repel It! Starring: Saul Judah. Pitch: "An incredible nano-shield that repels liquids on any surface." Comments: It was only a matter of time before someone tried to copy NeverWet. The demos are truly amazing. But rather than being a moth to the flame, this marketer should have reviewed the history of similar products. Turns out this one's a Siren. [ss]
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  3. Bumper Shield. Pitch: "License plate shield that protects from low-impact collisions." Comments: This is a simpler and more discreet version of that Bumper Bully you sometimes see on people's cars. But it's still pitching prevention, and prevention doesn't sell. [ss]
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  5. City Lips. Pitch: "Plumper, sexier lips without surgery." Comments: I can't think of a single cosmetics item that has worked in short-form DRTV. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. [ss]
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  7. Flex Seal Clear. Pitch: "Coat, seal and stop leaks fast." Comments: I suppose this makes sense as a line extension -- especially since Mr. Swift has been unable to find another hit -- but the strategy has to be highly cannibalistic by now. As for the commercial, I like the new 'glass-bottom boat' demo, and that AeroGrip Sprayer is a nifty bonus. [ss]
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  9. Mighty Shield. Marketer: InvenTel. Pitch: "The ultimate screen protector for your most important mobile devices." Comments: Here's another category that has yet to deliver a hit: smart phone accessories. This exact concept has also been tried before (see Armor Guard). Incidentally, the opening to this spot was written by yours truly ... years ago, and not for this marketer. [ss]
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  11. Perfect Rip Deck. Pitch: "Nine super-charged exercises in one machine." Comments: This is the latest from the guys who brought you Perfect Pushup. It's bit too pricey at $60, though, especially since their last expensive contraption doesn't seem to have gone anywhere. [ss]
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  13. Rain Guard. Pitch: "The professional's choice advanced waterproofer for wood and masonry." Comments: This is most likely retail support, so I'll refrain from commenting further. [ss]
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  15. Transform. Marketer: Coolway. Pitch: "The clinically proven styling breakthrough that makes you look like you went to the salon everyday." Comments: I put hair-care products with cosmetics on the list of bad categories for short-form DRTV. Can't think of a single winner -- or even many attempts. Again, correct me if I'm wrong. [ss]
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  17. uTouch. Pitch: "If you can touch it, you can relieve it." Comments: Truly bizarre. At first I thought this was the 'old school' subtle approach to marketing a new sex toy. The opening to the commercial certainly gives that impression. But my imagination fails me when I try to think of how the product could be used in that way. Either I'm not kinky enough, or this is the first time someone has tried marketing a real personal massager! [ss]
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  19. Wisp. Pitch: "Sweeping re-engineered for the 21st century." Comments: Floor care, especially brooms, is another category that should be on everyone's 'don't bother' list. Even the coolest innovations with the best creatives (see Broomy) have failed. Because some mops worked in the past (e.g. Smart Mop), and because Ontel had a long-form hit with Swivel Sweeper, people keep trying. But they really shouldn't. [ss]

2 comments:

  1. Mr. Pine, when you say the Mighty Shield intro was written by you, years ago and for a different marketer, do you mean that this intro was 'borrowed' from you?

    If that's the case, I'm just curious as to how often this happens... and is it accepted and ignored, or are there 'battles' of scripts?

    Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well, Ped-egg is the only item I can think of that was a full blown success in cosmetics/personal care. It works, and women are the ones buying it en mass.

    ReplyDelete