Review: My BFF

Description: Fish eggs that hatch from a tea bag
Main Pitch: "Grow up to eight full-size fish in just weeks"
Main Offer: $19.99 for the Miracle Fish Pouch and fish food (brine shrimp)
Bonus: Magnifying glass, breeding manual, etc.
Marketer: EWO Corp. (i.e. Nancy Duitch)
Website: www.GetMyBFF.com
Prediction: ?

If there is one card that trumps well-reasoned criteria like my Divine Seven, it's what many in the industry call "wow factor." When this card is played, rational considerations such as "it has to solve a problem" go out the window. When people gotta have it, they gotta have it.

I've turned to this "trump card theory" to explain the success of a few recent outliers, Snuggie being the foremost. Now I've heard all the logical arguments for Snuggie, including the one that goes, "No, really! Blankets slipping off your shoulder is a big problem in America today." Sorry, but I'm not buying it. The only explanation that makes sense is people think the Druid look is super cool (perhaps in a self-deprecating way) and that is driving this (almost literal) cult phenomenon.

Anyway, this attempt to bring back a new variation of the 1960s Sea-Monkeys craze may just be another playing of the trump card. (I note with proper irony that these things eat sea monkeys for breakfast.) This campaign certainly has a lot of "wow" going for it. But since predicting what's going to be considered "super cool" is impossible, all I'm comfortable saying is this: It has potential.

Hey, Snugarena!

What do you get when you cross the biggest cult craze of the late 90s with the biggest cult craze of today? Hey, Snugarena!

Livin' on the Edge

Trojan is living on the edge and seems to be doing it well.

I hear their next campaign is going to feature an even edgier product. Here's a rough cut. Call now!

Review: Perfect Popcorn

Description: A popcorn bowl that sifts and mixes
Main Pitch: "Sift out unpopped kernels [and] mix salt, butter and other flavorings quickly and easily"
Main Offer: $14.99 for one
Bonus: Four bottles of seasoning, recipe book & stovetop popcorn cooker (separate S&H)
Marketer: Harvest Group
Website: www.BuyPerfectPopcorn.com
Prediction: Bomb

This is a classic "solution in search of a problem," meaning the commercial opens with a contrived problem. People have been eating popcorn for generations. I think they've figured out how to do it without breakig their teeth on unpopped kernels.

Here's how these ill-fated commercials happen: Since everyone knows you need to start a DRTV spot with a problem, writers and producers work hard to come up with one that's compelling. But the approach begs the question. Some products (like this one) don't solve a real problem and should be eliminated from consideration before a commercial is produced.

Review: 30 Second Hair

Description: Hair in a can
Main Pitch: "You can have great-looking hair instantly with no mess for just pennies a day"
Main Offer: $14.95 for one bottle (30-day supply)
Bonus: 2nd bottle (just pay S&P) plus Volumizing Mist
Marketer: Howard-Boscher
Website: www.30SecondHair.com
Prediction: Unlikely to succeed

I don't have research to back this up, but my instincts tell me that people with thinning hair have shopped everywhere for a solution to their problem. If that's true, then they've no doubt discovered Toppik, the leading "hair in a can" product. And that means this product won't seem new and exciting. It will seem like a knockoff of something that's been on the market for some time. (Ron Popeil's original "hair in a can," GLH, is even still on the market.)

That only leaves one other rationale for pursuing this campaign: This is a value play. However, a regular bottle of Toppik is $21.95, which means the price difference here isn't going to motivate many people off the couch.