Accordion Light

The multi-talented Craig Burnett

Description: A flexible light
Main Pitch: "Expands instantly where it's hard to see ... just extend it and bend it"
Main Offer: $10 for one
Bonus: 2nd one (just pay a separate fee)
Starring: Craig Burnett
Marketer: Telebrands
Producer: Kerrmercials
Watch the spot

Since today's collection of posts is awfully close to becoming another "Telebrands Round-Up," let me start this post with praise for the commercial. Specifically, I want to call out one of the hardest working men in DRTV today: Mr. Craig Burnett.

Check out the opening of this commercial, and you'll see just one of his many talents on display. I laughed out loud! Besides hilarious slapstick (here's another great example from one we did together), he also does serious spokesman work and is one of the most often heard 'voices of DR' on TV today. Pitchmen, marketers and producers tend to get all the attention in this business, but there are several other folks who deserve to be known. Mr. Burnett is certainly one of them. I can't think of anyone else with his unique combination of useful skills.

Switching gears to the product: Besides being funny and phallic and weird, it happens to be from one of the worse categories in DRTV right now. Even the specific sub-category has nothing but flops to its name recently. There's my Ever Light flashlight from June of this year (side note: guess who did the VO?), MicroMax from last year, Green Beam from 2011 and Literoo from 2010 -- just to name a few. In fact, you have to go back to the Faraday Flashlight and 2006 to find a successful flashlight.

S7 Analysis: The big fail here is the needed criterion (he said with 20/20 hindsight). Just about every smart phone has a built-in flashlight, and just about everyone has a smart phone. This also fails the uncrowded criterion for categories since flashlights are more plentiful and cheap than just about any other type of product.

Table-Go-Round (2)

Description: A fitted tablecloth
Main Pitch: "Gives any table the rich look of designer Italian tile"
Main Offer: $14.99 for one
Bonus: 2nd one (just pay a separate fee)
Marketer: Telebrands
Producer: Monte-Brooks
Watch the spot

This is Telebrands' third attempt to launch a product like this. The first time was in 2010 using the same brand name -- a noteworthy attempt because Telebrands' CEO AJ Khubani starred in the commercial. The second time was in 2012 under the name Table Makeover. The third time is seldom the charm, but sometimes you have to take the shot.

S7 Analysis: What I think past history has demonstrated is that this product isn't really needed. The "fitted sheet" aspect does solve a problem (dramatized in 2010 by AJ standing in a windstorm), but it's a minor problem in anything less than hurricane conditions. More precisely, it's the target for that solution that's the real issue. First, they must have and use a round table. Second, they must like the look of "designer Italian tile" for said table. Third, they must become convinced that not having the look of Italian tile on their round table is an unbearable situation that needs immediate correcting. You get the point. If that's not a segment of a segment, I don't know what is!

Garden Joy

Description: A kneeling pad
Main Pitch: "Helps you kneel down comfortably ... and easily stand up again without pain and strain"
Main Offer: $19.99 for one
Bonus: Pocket Pouch (just pay a separate fee)
Marketer: Telebrands
Producer: Kerrmercials
Watch the spot

In my analysis of top DRTV categories, I included one that I labeled "garden/yard." However, the "garden" part is harder to justify than the "yard" part. Even hits that technically fit the bill, such as Topsy Turvy, aren't made for true gardeners ... and that brings me to this project. For true gardeners, it makes sense. For everyone else, it doesn't make sense. The question is how many true gardeners are out there. Enough to support a DRTV campaign?

The Car Cane aspect of the pitch ("easily stand up again without pain and strain") intensifies the problem because it will only appeal to a segment of this segment. Then again, gardening and old age tend to go together, so at least that sub-segment is likely to be large.

S7 Analysis: The S7 targeted criterion asks two questions that are relevant here. The first: "Is the product designed for a big enough buying group?" That's just another way of stating my question above. The second: "Is that buying group known to be DR responsive?" If the target is older folks, the answer is yes. If it's gardeners, I see less of a case for a positive answer.

LiquiFix

Description: A spray for hair
Main Pitch: "Get big curls, small curls or a smooth sultry look that lasts and lasts"
Main Offer: $19.99 for one with style guide
Bonus: Dry roller set (just pay a separate fee)
Brand: DiCesare
Marketer: Telebrands
Watch the spot

I'm saving my thoughts on this branding strategy for the next issue of Response -- and that's about the only thing of interest here. Otherwise, this is not a DRTV product and shouldn't have been tried. I assume there are bigger plans ...

S7 Analysis: Again, there's no need to dig too far into this one from a DRTV perspective. I think Telebrands knows it doesn't fit the model, especially when it comes to the uncrowded category criterion.

Twitch Lure

Description: An electronic fishing lure
Main Pitch: "Flashes and vibrates like a wounded bait fish"
Main Offer: $19.99 for one
Bonus: 2nd one (just pay P&H)
Marketer: Tristar
Watch the spot

I was surprised to discover recently just how few people fish on a regular basis. It's about 7% of the population with about 14% falling into the category of "occasional" fishermen. Meanwhile, more than half of people never fish. This helps explain the failure of almost every DRTV fishing product since the 1990s. The market is too niche and thus too difficult to target using mass media, especially at modern rates.

S7 Analysis: I mentioned the word "target" and, once again, that's the key S7 shortcoming here. Otherwise, this is a cool product that's different and needed by anyone but champion anglers.