Weekly Round-Up

Time for a little "fall cleaning." Here are 17 quick reviews of campaigns that have been sitting in my folder for a while.

1. Chef Basket. Pitch: "The 12-in-one kitchen tool for dozens of everyday uses." Marketer: Telebrands. Comments: This one could do well. The only problem is the multiple functions. Always hard to get across in two minutes. [a]


2. Comfy Control. Pitch: "The new dog harness that combines comfort with control." Marketer: Telebrands. Comments: The problem/solution is weak, and I don't think this one is different enough from what's already in pet stores to break through. [a]


3. Comfy Cot. Pitch: "Raised pet bed perfect for all cats and dogs." Marketer: Telebrands. Comments: The issue here will be perception. A cot is a makeshift bed used for camping, etc. For everyday use, why would a pet owner downgrade their pet from a bed to a cot? [a]


4. Criss Angel. Pitch: "Over 250 MINDFREAKS that you can perform." Marketer: IdeaVillage. Comments: This is the second recent attempt to sell magic on DRTV (Fushigi was the first). It's too early to tell if the experiment is successful, but this one has the best shot given the powerful brand behind it. Otherwise, I have mixed feelings. For kids, I think magic could have the necessary "wow" to work. For everyone else, the odds of success are low. [a]


5. Happy Caps. Pitch: "Lock in freshness and get a spill-proof pour every time." Marketer: Telebrands. Producer: Blue Moon. Comments: Many packages already have this feature built in, and this category hasn't been good on DRTV. [a]


6. Hinge 'N Hang. Pitch: "The instant clothing rack." Comments: Simply "tap out your old door pin"? Ouch. This one is DOA. [a]


7. Ideal Umbrella Stand. Pitch: "The most versatile and best made beach umbrella stand anywhere." Comments: Narrowly targeted. Seasonal. Weak problem. This one had no shot. [a]


8. Kickin' Ink. Pitch: "Tattoo sleeves ... let you have fabulous tattoos in an instant." Comments: Wrong demographic for DRTV -- and a sure way to get beat up for being a "poser." [a]


9. Lift 'N Fix. Pitch: "The ultimate system for fixing your sagging upholstery." Comments: This item isn't very exciting, but it meets the criteria. It could become something. [a]


10. Magic Crisp. Pitch: "Turns your microwave oven into a magic, food-crisping machine." Comments: Items like these worked years ago, but I'm not sure they have the same cachet today. [a]


11. Motato. Pitch: "Say 'no' to boring old potatoes." Comments: Sully's pitch is better. [a]


12. My Scent. Pitch: "Refillable atomizer for your favorite perfume." Marketer: SAS Group. Producer: Blue Moon. Comments: Some women think refreshing their perfume during the day is overkill, so this wouldn't solve a problem for them. Otherwise, the campaign meets the criteria. [a]


13. Pocket Chair. Pitch: "The chair that fits in your pocket." Marketer: Adam Jay. Comments: I don't see the need for this one. I can't imagine people carrying this around just in case they need a chair. And if it's a "planned need" (beach, fishing, gardening), they'll probably buy something more substantial. [a]


14. Scrub Glove. Pitch: "Clean easier, clean faster." Comments: Combining two cheap, easy-to-find cleaning items isn't a winning strategy in my opinion. [a]


15. Vibra Toes. Pitch: "The world's smallest hypoallergenic flexible foot massager." Marketer: Telebrands. Comments: This is a vibrating version of an earlier Telebrands campaign (Pampered Toes) that didn't roll out. I doubt this new feature is going to make a difference. [a]


16. Yonanas. Pitch: "Dessert anytime that's just bananas." Comments: Know what's really bananas? Trying to sell a $50 product that makes banana desserts on DRTV! [a]


17. Zip Do Combs. Pitch: "The most comfortable way to hold your style all day." Comments: Hair products are a 1 in 50 category on DRTV. For every Bumpits or EZ Combs, there are 49 failures. I don't like those odds. [a]

Review: Big Boss Blender

Description: A single-serve blender
Main Pitch: "Create a never-ending menu of delicious dinners, drinks and deserts in no time flat"
Main Offer: $29.95 for one with multiple accessories
Bonus: Recipe book
Marketer: Emson
Website: www.BigBossBlender.com
Prediction: Unlikely to succeed

Allstar's Blend Buddy has a better offer and pitch, so if any campaign goes forward it will be that one. More the point, the same challenges apply: The price is $10 too high for DRTV, and a Magic Bullet is $50 at Wal-Mart.

Review: Nutri-Lyze

Description: Poison control for pets
Main Pitch: "Absorbs life-threatening toxins ... buys you the precious time you need to get your pet to the vet"
Main Offer: $19.95 for one dose
Bonus: Free dose of Stable-Lyze (restores digestive balance)
Marketer: Bomac Vets Plus
Website: www.BuyNutriLyze.com
Prediction: Unlikely to succeed

This commercial employs a great technique I call "emotional blackmail." (I'm pretty sure I stole that from someone, but I can't remember who it was.) If you have a pet you love, this spot will make you feel guilty if you don't buy the product. Unfortunately, the problems with the product will overrride that feeling of guilt.

The first problem is it's a prevention item and, for the second day in a row, I get to remind everyone that prevention doesn't sell. It's just human nature: We don't take action until the need is immediate. This is especially true with rare problems like the one highlighted in this spot. True, pets may eat things that aren't good for them regularly, but things that put their life in jeopardy? That's either a rare problem or Fido isn't going to be around for very long.

The second problem with the product is it's an unknown, un-branded substance. Pets are loved liked children. Many people get a dog instead of having a baby, and then treat that dog like their baby. This is important to understand because asking a pet owner to give a dog an unfamiliar medicine is like asking a parent to give his or her baby an unfamiliar medicine. All the same doubts and concerns apply, and a trusted brand is probably what's needed to overcome them.

Review: Ab Saucer

Description: An exercise system for abs
Main Pitch: "Twist your way to the toned, sexy stomach you've always wanted"
Main Offer: $10 for a 30-day trial (2 pay of $39.99 afer that)
Bonuses: Exercise chart, instructional DVD and meal planner
Marketer: Telebrands
Producer: LoudMouth TV
Website: www.AbSaucer.com
Prediction: Unlikely to succeed

I like the product and the commercial, but I predict the hidden costs are going to kill the campaign. The perceived value just doesn't justify the ultimate price. If this had been done for a more reasonable price, such as $19.99 or even $29.99 (like Ontel's Iron Gym), I would have predicted success.

Review: Gadget Genie

Description: A bag that removes moisture from gadgets
Main Pitch: "In as little as 24 hours, your device will be mositure free and ready to go"
Main Offer: $14.95 for one (?)
Bonus: None (?)
Website: www.GetGadgetGenie.com
Prediction: Bomb

I feel sorry for the people behind this campaign because they obviously know very little about DRTV and have wasted their money. As for the product itself, people are only going to want it if they are experiencing the problem it solves right now, in which case even 24 hours is too long to wait (let alone 2-6 weeks). Otherwise, it's a prevention item and I'm going to have to go with a classic: prevention doesn't sell.